Can God be for me while his hand works against me?
This is the question I found myself wrestling with during the latter half of last year. I started from what I know to be true: God is for me. This much I knew for sure. But on the other hand, there was something else that I knew with certainty: God had called me to adopt this little girl from Africa. We had been pursuing this adoption for over a year and half and it seemed and we had run into nothing but roadblocks and frustrations. At first I blamed each setback on The Enemy. “Satan hates adoption.” I told myself. “He’s trying to distract me with sideways energy.”
But the more difficult things became, the more it seemed that God was actively involved in making this process difficult. I know that God has called me to do this, but it seems that he is intentionally preventing me from doing it. Well meaning people would tell me things like “Why would God do that?” “God wouldn’t do that.” Or “God doesn’t work that way.” Still, I had this nagging feeling.
Then one day, I was reading the story of the Exodus and, I saw where God told Moses to go before Pharaoh and declare that he was to let God’s people go. But it was the next statement that stopped me cold.”But I will harden his heart so that he will not let the people go. (Exodus 4:21).” So essentially God told Moses to do something, but then said that he himself was going to prevent him in his endeavor.
As I continued reading I began to see what God was doing, both in the Exodus and with me. Sometimes God will call you do do something and will be actively involved in making it difficult, because sometimes there is a greater story and a greater glory that only comes through prolonging the trial.
God is telling a bigger story. A story about how he fights for his children. And he is drawing a greater glory for himself. He could have easily moved the heart of Pharaoh to release his people. He could have easily brought my little girl to America. But he’s doing something much bigger than that, and I’m just glad that I get to be a part of it.